But as it gets closer to one of your children leaving home it reminds you that they are only yours in passing, that hopefully you've done well enough for them to be able to survive that big bad world that you've spent your life warning them about. It's what it's all about, teaching them to be independent, to be able to have their own life. It's not about booting them out and letting them get on with it, it's about guiding them and supporting them as they move on to the next stage of their lives. And it should be a job well done. Be proud of yourself, a big pat on the back.
It's not that easy though, whilst your children are exploring the world, enforcing their personality and beliefs upon their new world, you are left with an empty seat at the table, a room that for many months or even years doesn't change. Even now the one meal I can't downsize to two is a Sunday roast. I still cook enough for at least four!
When Ben left home I was so sad. It really hurt. It was a few days before his 18th birthday which is a big milestone. 18! But he had already left Dubai and was living in the UK with the original members of Asking. I didn't get to celebrate with him, his first major birthday as an adult and I wasn't there. He was such a big personality within our home that you could actually feel the silence after he left. All those times that I'd complained that he and his friends were too loud, now I was wishing that they would barge through my front door unannounced, normally in time for an evening meal that ofcourse I would stretch to add two or three more. It took me quite a few months to stop cooking for them all!
I'm pretty sure that one of his friends had a house key because he would even be at home when Ben wasn't; the front door would open, then the fridge and then Jimmy would plonk himself down on the sofa to watch TV, often informing me that Ben was on his way home and would he about half an hour! On occasion he would be home when I got back from work!!!
Again, I found myself at home with my beautiful Bex, just being together. So when it came time for her to fly the nest, I was so grateful that she decided that she wanted two gap years. This gave me the perfect excuse to give up work for two years and spend time with her (we won't dwell on the fact I never actually went back to work and I'm thoroughly enjoying my extended gap years!).
The thing about when Ben left home, he was ready to, he wanted to. Even after two gap years Bex didn't want to leave home, she wanted to stay in Dubai but there were no degrees suitable for her here and I knew that she would grow more in the UK than staying in Dubai. She needed to fly and this wasn't the place for her. It was a known life and a secure haven, but she had, and still has, so much going for her. It became one of the hardest things I've ever done. I felt like I was being too tough on her, I was worried she would feel abandoned but my heart told me it was the right thing for her. During all this, I was at home without both of my children. I'm pretty sure I cried as many tears as she did. Both of us in different countries missing each other. To say I was bereft is an understatement. I missed her desperately. She had been my closest companion for two years and suddenly she wasn't there. I hated it. To be honest I still do, hence the fact I'm flying home tomorrow to spend two and a half days with her.
It was the right thing for them both, though. I look at the young adults they've become and I'm massively proud and in awe of them both. They've overcome obstacles that others have fallen at, and I'm pretty sure it's because they couldn't just run home. Being in a different country makes giving up a little bit harder. But my two children are survivors, we all are, we've had to be. The family logistics of being in different countries enforces your children to handle situations on their own where normally I would have stepped in and helped. There's only so much you can from this far. This has given them an independence that is invaluable. It's me who is left at home still missing them, looking in on their lives. As always though, I'm lucky. They keep me tightly within their worlds so in all honesty I'm not missing out. It's great. I have got used to my new life without them both at home. It's a great life and I'm happy.